A Dark Childhood

Author: Claire Louise

I am a member of The People Focused Group. My writing draws on experiences from my past and present. I hope my writing helps others reach out and get help. If one person's life can have a different outcome that will be enough.

I lived in a world of darkness.
I didn't know where to turn.
I was told that no one loved me
not even my parents
I was forever threatened
hit when was naughty
I was forever afraid.
I thought that there was no hope
Was moved from home to home
No consistency
Begging for help through silent screams,
fearing the past that haunted me

I decided to try take my life
I stepped out to oncoming traffic
ended up in intensive care
it’s so damaging being without your family
Eventually I just gave in, the pain was too much
The silent screams turned to outright cries,
but no one would listen, to my complete surprise.
My arm scratches turned to deep cuts,
but still no helped, only judgmental tuts.
What could I do?
I was struggling, scared
I’d been left unprepared.

I wish I was…why aren’t I dead?
I was trapped in my head
The disappointment still haunts me today
There was a glimmer of light in the distance,
but it was still quite far away.
until years after
in a foster home where they gained my trust
and I spoke out

I worked at my goal without stopping,
Even though I was afraid.
It took forever to complete,
But it was worth my while and wait.
The people who helped me are my angels.
They do not know how much they've done.
I finally escaped from the evil.
I finally realised my worth.
I know I am loved by my family
but I couldn’t get that time back with my mum
as she sadly gained her angel wings.

My suggestion to improve the care system:

• I think they need to do regular checks on the child or young person to see if any changes in their behaviour. 
• I think they need to be more aware of how the child feels and do more visits where they are staying. 
• Work harder with the child or young person to find out what is actually going on for them, in their families etc. 
• Ensure full DBS checks on the family and extended family to be sure they have no previous convictions.

Find out more about The People Focused Group at: 

https://peoplefocused.org.uk

The publisher is Citizen Network Research. A Dark Childhood © Claire Louise